What I lack?

I mentioned before I have joined track running once a week. Actually,
lately twice a week after my race in Lawrence. After that, I decided
to took three weeks off. However, it is difficult, my body and my soul
long for running after the third day. So, I started to go to gym do
light exercising. Today is Monday, I decided to go to run with the
team and have forgotten everything about that three weeks off. I
shouldn't run because my hip is hurt. Might be my body is giving me
unconscious desire to go, might be I feel it is Monday I should go,
might be I don't feel exercise enough lately, but most of all I think
I am a runner freak. So, today I went running with them anyway.
Normally, before we started we wait the couch make annoyment. While I
was waiting, I looked at these people and couldn't help myself wonder
what make these people run so great, why I don't run like them. My mum
always don't want me to run, because she think we Asian don't have the
genetic as the western. It might be truth, it might be the reason that
I can't run like these people. Are these people have strong bone,
bigger liver, might be. But look at these people, (you can't see here)
some are shorter than me, some are very skinny, some are even fatter
than me. Then Luke, my new friend met in the team, said "because we
have the commitment to run everyday" What a commitment! What is a
commitment? What I see their commitment is go to track everyday, train
hard whatever good day, bad day, happy day, sad day, crapy day,
running day, snowy day, freezing day, busy day... I even remember the
time when I looked at these people in a freezing winter, seeing them
only wearing very few cloths and ran on the street passed by me and I
think they were nut. I met one of the girl in a gym one day, I think
her name is Eliza, and she was training hard by doing light exercising
when she had hurt her hip. I ran with them in a evil hot day once,
people came back from breathing hard, sweaty body. Their warm up is
like my 75% effort sprinting even today. I saw people vomit by running
too hard on the field. If I train by myself, I will only find a
comfortable way to train hard. That is why I should go out and run
with these people, these are the reasons make me continue to run with
these people even every time I run the last and chasing them behind at
least 100 meters away again and again. In this moment, I don't know if
I am already having the best body shape in my life already; I don't
know if I will able to run better than my current condition in the
future. Might be I can run, but will never able to run like these
people like my Mum said I just lack of the genetic. I would love to
able to run like them. If they ask me will I willing to make
commitment now to the team and I will say no. It isn't that I don't
think I will able to run every day, running in a freezing day, hot
day, I just not yet ready to cross the line to make that commitment.
That commitment accepting separating of myself, my feeling, run like a
machine and accepting the potential to get injured. That is what I am
not ready for, and might be will never be. There is no shame for that.
However, that is what I lack to become a better runner like them.